Eckhart Tolle once wrote, “Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.”
I have traveled down many roads, like countless others, that greeted me with familiar faces who welcomed, guided, and loved me. Over time, however, the lights that illuminated these stretches of road started to dim when the darkness in the crevices of my pain and self-doubt began to grow. I traveled many miles addicted to crystal meth, distain and shame over my HIV-positive diagnosis, and with nameless strangers as a lost soul because I was always traveling but never arriving.
Today with almost four years of sobriety and the acceptance of my HIV status, I still travel down roads but now they are filled with purpose, opportunity and advocacy. In the beginning, acceptance for me did feel like a “passive state” because it was something that I couldn’t immediately measure when I was expecting a more obvious guided marker of direction. I realized that there was a value in representing myself from the standpoint of where I was in life in that current moment, which was as a non-traditional student in NYC. I was enrolled in a speech class where I decided to raise awareness about the stigma surrounding the word “clean” and in the process disclosed my own status to my classmates and professor. I felt empowered, liberated and at peace. Shortly after, I attended my first ADAP Advocacy Association conference in 2015, which greatly expanded my understanding of the challenges that HIV-positive communities can face but it also exposed me to all of the wonderful people who are involved and in the trenches fighting for change.
My time in NYC came to an end and I found myself in Raleigh, North Carolina where I was accepted in North Carolina State University. Here my journey in HIV advocacy continues. Once accepted into NCSU, I changed my major from psychology to social work and became a member of the Professional Association of Social Workers in HIV/AIDS in 2017. Also in 2017, I wrote my first blog for the ADAP Advocacy Association titled “Finding Emotional & Physical Health in Sobriety” - which goes into more detail on my journey towards self-discovery. These stepping-stones lead me to an amazing summer internship in 2018, with the ADAP Advocacy Association, where I authored a white policy paper titled, “Improving Access to Care Among Formerly Incarcerated Populations with HIV/AIDS under the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP)”. This experience was invaluable not only for the insight on how underserved this population is but also the enormous value and role that current information plays when agencies are striving to bridge the gap in accessibility while being innovative in their delivery process. So, where am I now and what have I learned?
I am senior and entering my last semester of my undergrad at NCSU. I am inline and applying for an advance standing Masters in Social Work program beginning summer of 2020. My acceptance journey has had a profound influence on my academics, how I navigate the world, and how I developed a deeper understanding of who I am. I am complicated, in all sense of the word because I am never just one thing and thus can never be defined by any singular narration. I’ve accepted this along with everything I have expressed, felt, and done but I have also grounded myself in a higher level of consciousness that guides me. I am worth more so therefore I do more, for myself and in the near future for others in a greater capacity. There will always be a need for advocacy because I understand that its road is often paved with dim flickering lights and we as advocates, social service providers, and community healers accept the call to action that is pivotal in helping to keep those light on.
Disclaimer: Guest blogs do not necessarily reflect the views of the ADAP Advocacy Association, but rather they provide a neutral platform whereby the author serves to promote open, honest discussion about public health-related issues and updates.
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