Thirteen years ago, I was working in a salon, just finding out that I was pregnant. It was the day before my birthday that I took the test because I had this instinctive feeling that I was pregnant and I didn't want to risk a night of celebration in the case that I was. When the result came back positive I was so excited to become a mommy. A couple months into that pregnancy I got a call from my doctors office. They told me I needed to come into the office. I asked them why and they hesitated to tell me but finally did say, “you tested positive for HIV.”
I sat there with every emotion running through my mind, fear, anger, sadness; I was so ignorant about HIV and AIDS I felt defeated. I immediately quit my job thinking I would cut myself and infect someone when cutting their hair. The pregnancy was hard, I had to force feed myself most days and the medicine was hard on my body. There were days I lay in bed and did not get out of it. When the doctors told me I would not pass HIV to my son, I wanted to believe them but I didn't and the day I gave birth I was still scared and didn't believe them that I would not pass the virus to him. That fear scared me to the point I pushed four times and my son was out ( all I could think was I needed to get him out and clear of my fluids), they put him on my chest and I told them no just clean him off first.
The traumatic experience of that birth and pregnancy and the realization after months and then years went by that my son had not gotten the virus from me, the ignorant and fearful stance that I had about HIV all combined with other factors to propel me into a life of advocacy and activism.
When I started out it was me coming from a raw place of anger and my own experiences propelling me forward. I shouted, I yelled and found every way I could to make noise. Blogging, YouTube, public speaking, trips to Washington DC, then being asked to be a board member for ADAP Advocacy Association. When I started with this board my innate sense of activism and raw, loud, uncensored and idealogical perspectives started to slowly develop. I met professionals and politicians that had been in DC for years, activists that had fought their entire lives, scholars, researchers, doctors, academics, and people from all walks of life; across the spectrum. These people guided me and helped me to develop my anger and desire to advocate into an ability to, a tool.
As a child, teen, and young adult I always looked at the world through my own lens but I was unable to see past my own experiences, to empathize with others in the ways most people are able to. I had experienced so many traumatic happenings that no one I knew had and it skewed my ability to empathize for the things others experienced as I viewed them as not being nearly as traumatic. I judged. Time has this way of helping one to evolve if they have an open mind and desire to. The people I met and that were placed into my life through my advocacy and activism opened my eyes to a world I didn't see and had been looking at from a limited and skewed viewpoint.
These wonderful people with experiences as varied as they human, from the likes of Dab Garner to Larry Frampton, Kathie Hiers to Michelle Anderson, Larry Bryant to Robert Suttle, Tami Haught to Maria Mejia, and of course my dear friend Brandon Macsata. The man who helped me by giving me the opportunities of meeting some of these other people and developing past my limited and skewed viewpoint. All of these people and the countless others not named helped me to push past my singularly focused lens to see a world full of people with different experiences and adversities and one commonality that makes us more alike than different; our human condition.
Thirteen years later I still blog to share my own experiences, I teach classes, I vote on issues, I train others to do the same, I speak, I am involved in politics, I work with pregnant women living with HIV or AIDS, and I am finally back to my other passion as a stylist. I use all of my experiences, now, to try to help others; instead of looking at what divides us or the varied experiences and adversities we have I instead look at how each of us teaches and how those differences are so needed. Each of us doing our parts in our own ways! No one of us being more important or necessary and each one of us being vital and needed! I encourage all of us to share and continue to fight this good fight and I cannot wait to met you on the path, and maybe walk with you for bit!
Disclaimer: Guest blogs do not necessarily reflect the views of the ADAP Advocacy Association, but rather they provide a neutral platform whereby the author serves to promote open, honest discussion about public health-related issues and updates.
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